During the time I was down and out with depression regarding the b*llsh*t incident, I was really lost, and I didn't know where to even begin... Do I start picking up the pieces? Do I mourn?

I have said many a prayer during the time I was down and out, and apparently the Great One upstairs heard my prayer. One by one dear old friends closest to my heart have started trickling back into my life... friends which I have long neglected or forgotten... They were there for me during my deepest darkest hour...

It started with EJ... He asked me out for a drink, and we went to the Filling Station in Makati... I poured out my heart to him, and he told me something I'd never forget... "There are people out there with worse pain than yours, be a man, quit being selfish, and move on".

A few weeks later, I received a letter from Hazel, my good friend from Dumaguete, UST, and now New Jersey... She wrote that I should be strong, remember that I still have friends and family who love me and accept me for who I am, and that I should leave all emotional baggage out the door.

And the list of friends and family who have responded to go on... Tonette, Franco, Lulu, Cherry, Irene, my Sister, Patty, my mom... (sorry to those I may have missed out on, please know that you are still loved by me).

Apparently, I have taken them for granted, for I have centered myself too much on a fragile relationship, which has left me drained and heartbroken.

Yet it is these same group of friends who have risen above and beyond to respond just to help me out in my darkest, most challenging time.

Never take your friends for granted, love them for they would always be there for you unconditionally.

To any of my friends who happen to be reading this... lotsa love, take care, and I will see you around!

To be free and happy... well, I am free alright, but I wasn't sure if I was too happy about it though, because it had an abrupt ending for which I wasn't prepared. No matter, right now I have come to terms that it is now over, and that the things which have come to pass cannot be undone.

I am now free... So now, how do I become happy? Well, first of all, I made sure that I forgave myself on what happened, because that's the first step. There's no use in beating myself up over what happened.

Second, I must forget everything. Don't get me wrong, I will never forget the lessons I learned, but I must forget everything that happened between us, good and bad. For it is everytime that I remember that depression attacks me like a cold killer.

I came across one of Paulo Coelho's work, Closing Cycles, which has helped me tremendously deal with my current situation right now, please allow me to share it with you:

"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.


Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

This phase of my life journey with her is now over. I will forever treasure the lessons I have learned, now it is time to move on.

Change is inevitable, and we must always be ready to adjust no matter what. I am in middle of that journey as I write this.

I am just about ready to end this chapter of my life and move on to the next. I will never write about her ever again.

I am ready to walk away with dignity, with my head held up high.

I am closing this cycle of my life, and moving on to the next.